[VonMarcusx413]

Active captain Henry Hugh looked across at the view screen in wonder built of dread.



"Ensign Saget, Sensor Report!"
  "Target is 21km^3. It Appears to be hollow at the center, save for a wormhole of some sort at the center." Robert stuttered out trying to work through the fear. "It is currently emitting 3 gateway probes out the opposite side. All going to warp within 30 seconds of full transition."
"Maintain stealth until we know they know we are here. I want all sensors pushing limits gathering all the intel we can. Slow reverse. Steady as she goes." Captain Hugh paused and took a deep breath....
"Computer initiate Fractalkast Protocol Authorization Hugh Romeo India Charlie Kilo Romeo Oscar Lima Lima Niner Kilo Seven"

<start 9 second event log/>
Uplink locked...
data and protocols saved....
...
...
Hugh collapses to the deck of the bridge....
...
Main power Fail....
FK33c.shrd.2358.HH.exe...... loading to all probes......
Data loaded....

Gravity generators Fail....
Probes loaded in all bays....
Life support at 71%...

</end 9second event log>




Computer recount of the events after end of system log....


9 minutes into contact the unidentified advanced borg vessel 'turned' and fired on the U.S.S. Commonwealth...
All hands lost...

Estimated salvage if possible no larger than .7 meters in largest dimension.

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Connection with hive viable.
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connection successful...
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Hugh was in a never ending web of digital webbing. He did it he was in tact and surfing the Borg network like a calm lake able to move and seek out all the knowledge transversing the netowork at 1.2ZB^7/ MS
In the next instant the cohesion of his thought was gone.

////////////////////////

It was now up to his daughters to extract his codex and revive him. Until then He do all he could to disrupt the collective from within.

[greaterfrost]

I've talked to you already about some of this, there is some good preliminary information, even some background information on the character's tech savvy, the part I am lacking and it's disrupting: "Why am I caring about this character?" 

The idea is interesting, but without context, I am looking at corrupted data in an already saturated subspace comm field.  This could just as easily be 1.2 zettabits of Romulan stew recipes.  why is it important for the audience to know what's going on, what is the 'quirk' you are presenting and where do you want to take your story so the audience will follow. 

I know the U.S.S. Commonwealth is destroyed and there is considerable data moving through the extranet but does it say anything other than the ship blew up or is there something tactical embedded, something that you'd need crypto to unlock.

This is not a slam on your work but I want to care about your character or the concept of the chase to find your character and there isn't enough information there to build a protagonist, and your conflict has already happened so the story is finished before you started. why is it important now to clue in on the information the audience is seeing?

(I should really build a workshop on character development.  let me know if you're interested in that kind of a thing)

Active captain Henry Hugh looked across at the view screen in wonder built of dread.



"Ensign Saget, Sensor Report!"
  "Target is 21km^3. It Appears to be hollow at the center, save for a wormhole of some sort at the center." Robert stuttered out trying to work through the fear. "It is currently emitting 3 gateway probes out the opposite side. All going to warp within 30 seconds of full transition."
"Maintain stealth until we know they know we are here. I want all sensors pushing limits gathering all the intel we can. Slow reverse. Steady as she goes." Captain Hugh paused and took a deep breath....
"Computer initiate Fractalkast Protocol Authorization Hugh Romeo India Charlie Kilo Romeo Oscar Lima Lima Niner Kilo Seven"

<start 9 second event log/>
Uplink locked...
data and protocols saved....
...
...
Hugh collapses to the deck of the bridge....
...
Main power Fail....
FK33c.shrd.2358.HH.exe...... loading to all probes......
Data loaded....

Gravity generators Fail....
Probes loaded in all bays....
Life support at 71%...

</end 9second event log>




Computer recount of the events after end of system log....


9 minutes into contact the unidentified advanced borg vessel 'turned' and fired on the U.S.S. Commonwealth...
All hands lost...

Estimated salvage if possible no larger than .7 meters in largest dimension.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Connection with hive viable.
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connecting...
Connection successful...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Upload successful.

    Hugh was in a never ending web of digital webbing. He did it he was in tact and surfing the Borg network like a calm lake able to move and seek out all the knowledge transversing the netowork at  1.2ZB^7/ MS
    In the next instant the cohesion of his thought was gone.

////////////////////////

It was now up to his daughters to extract his codex and revive him. Until then He do all he could to disrupt the collective from within.